Tips for 2019

Maak ‘n verskil

Gewoonlik wanneer ek en jy hier aan die begin van ‘n nuwe jaar staan, is daar allerhande spoke-stemme van die ou jaar wat ons gewetens so bietjie op hol kom jaag. Die gevolg is dat ons besluit dat ons so ‘n paar koersaan-passings in ons lewens moet maak. Dinge soos; ek gaan ophou … ek wil 10 kg verloor … ek wil …, ek wil …! Meestal is hierdie spoke-stemme, goed wat ons pla en waaraan ons iets wil doen. Die gelol is, ons fokus so op hierdie dinge dat ons heeltemal vergeet dat die lewe eindlik veronderstel is om ‘n fees te wees. Nou sal jy my seker vra; “nou hoe maak ons van die lewe ‘n fees?”. Kom ek gee vir jou so ‘n paar lekker opwindende uitdagings.

• Bel ten minste een person ‘n week wat die Gees van God op jou  hart druk. Jy ken mos daardie belewenis van iemand wat so in jou gedagtes rond draai. Miskien is dit ‘n vriend/vriendin met wie jy lanklaas gesels het. Miskien iemand wat siek is, miskien iemand met wie jy woorde gehad het. Moenie raad gee, jouself verdedig, regverdig ens. nie. Luister net en wees daar vir die persoon. Bemoedig, motiveer en ondersteun hulle.

• Deel ‘n snaakse storie of iets wat jou laat lag met iemand wie se gô op die grond rond sleep. Humor is een van die beste maniere om ‘n positiewe verskil in mense se lewens te maak.

• Laat jou ja, jou ja wees en moenie beloftes maak wat jy nie kan nakom nie. As jy onderneem om iets te doen, moet dit nie uitstel nie – doen dit dadelik. Anders, word dit net nog ‘n stress-spook wat jou skuldig laat voel.

• Moet NOOIT iets koop as jy dit nie kan bekostig nie! Die vraag wat jy jouself moet afvra is; is dit noodsaaklik of is dit ‘n “nice to have” bederf? Vra jouself vrae soos; “sal ek daarsonder kan klaarkom?” Hoe dikwels gaan ek dit gebruik? ens. Die grootste guns wat jy jouself kan doen is om so gou as moontlik “skuldvry” te kom.

• Moet nooit reageer en praat as jou emosies opgeklits is nie. Dis dan wat ons daardie dinge sê wat soms die grootste wonde laat. Draai om en loop weg en as die emosies gaan lê het, praat dan oor dit (die ding) wat jou ongelukkig gemaak het, sonder om die persoon aan te vat. Ek sê altyd vir mense, daar bestaan nie iets soos ‘n “stoute” kind nie. Jy kry wel “oulike” kinders wat soms verkeerde en stoute dinge doen.

• Hou op om met ander mense te wil kompeteer. Wees jouself – jy hoef vir niemand iets te bewys nie. Geluk kan nie met geld, goed en mense gekoop of verkry word nie.

• Moedig kinders en ‘n paar jongmense aan om sy of haar beste te doen. Deel jou ervaring en bied ondersteuning. Jong mense het rolmodelle nodig.

• Motiveer iemand wat sukkel. Dink net terug aan jou lewe en watter verskil dit in jou lewe gemaak het toe iemand jou gemotiveer het. “Jy kan dit doen, ek glo in jou, jy het soveel potensiaal”, ens. Onthou net, jy moet eerlik wees en nie die “heuningkwas” gebruik nie.

• Wees die vriend vir jou vriende en familie wat jy graag sal wil hê. Verhoudings kan net groei as jy bereid is om op te offer en om op ‘n positiewe manier daaraan te werk en te bou.

• Hou op om van molshope berge te maak en kyk mooi na wat jy dink en wat jy sê. As jy oorweldig voel deur iets, gaan sit iewers en word net stil. Vra dan die Gees van God hoe jy hierdie berg kan oor en as jy dan begin doen wat jy moet, verander die berge weer terug in molshope.

• Komplimenteer mense. Soek altyd iets in iemand wat vir jou mooi is en sê dit dan in eerlikheid vir die persoon. Moet NOOIT ‘n kompliment gee as jy dit nie regtig bedoel nie – dis vals!

• Moenie impulsief dinge doen nie. Moenie koop sommer omdat jy dit kan bekostig nie. Moenie praat as jy nie eers gedink het wat jy wil sê nie. Moenie reageer en stories vertel as jy nie eers seker gemaak het van die feite, of die ander kant gehoor het nie.

• Leef met ‘n glimlag. Dink aan iets wat jou gelukkig maak en loop met daardie glimlag op jou gesig. Ek gee jou ‘n brief, jy gaan baie mense laat wonder oor wat jou so gelukkig maak. Buitendien laat ‘n glimlag jou 10 jaar jonger lyk!

• Erken as jy ‘n fout gemaak het en aanvaar verantwoordelikheid daarvoor. Onthou; die lewe begin die dag as ek verantwoordelikheid vir my eie lewe (en foute) aanvaar en ophou om die “blame-game” te speel. Moenie jou foute prober regverdig en goed-praat nie.

•  Moenie ander mense prober beïndruk met hoe oulik jy is, wat jy het, wie jy ken, hoe jou kinders presteer ens. nie. Mense gaan baie meer van jou dink as julle dit by ander mense hoor as wat julle dit by jou hoor.

• Laat ruimte vir ander mense om van jou te verskil. Jou “waarheid” is joune. Wees oop om ook ander mense se opinies te hoor oor sake al stem jy nie saam met hulle nie. Moenie probeer om mense te oortuig van dinge waarvan net die Gees van God hulle kan oortuig nie. Dit veroorsaak net dik lug en breek verhoudings.

• Daar is meer as “my way”! Onthou  alle mense dink nie soos jy nie en vra jouself altyd af of jy dit wat jy van ander mense verwag, aan hulle gekommunikeer het. “Assumptions is the mother of all evil.”

• As jy jou “top” wil blaas, vra jouself af; “Gaan dit oor ‘n week nog saak maak?”, “wat gaan ek bereik deur dit te doen?”. Te veel laat ons toe dat klein jakkalsies die wingerd verniel. Weer – hanteer die saak en nie die persoon nie.

• Al het jy al ‘n grap duisend maal gehoor – lag asof jy dit die eerste maal hoor en moet nie die persoon wat dit vertel in die rede val nie.

• Moenie te naby aan die varkhok leef nie. As jy varke naby jou toelaat, gaan jy vol modder word en ook in die varkhok opeindig. Moenie iets sê of aanstuur wat nie opbouend is nie, anders vergiftig jy net jouself.

• Moedig mense aan om buite die boks te dink en om dit buite hul “comfortzone” te waag. Moenie die een wees wat die 1000 redes gee hoekom hulle dit nie moet probeer nie. Moenie batterye natmaak nie! Motiveer liewer al sal jy dit nie wil doen nie.

• Moet NOOIT dink jy weet alles of dat jy “arrive” het nie. Die mense wat die meeste weet, is die wat besef hoeveel daar nog is om van te weet. Mense wat dink hulle weet alles, is die mense wat die moeilikste raad en advise aanvaar. Moenie jou pêrels voor die varke gooi en jou asem mors nie.

• Jy kan nooit genoeg DANKIE sê nie. Bedank mense eerlik vir hulle pogings al is dit nie soos wat jy dit sou doen nie. Hulle het ten minste probeer.

• Voed jouself met positiewe leesstof, musiek, TV, Internet ens. Moenie dat die vlermuise van negatiwiteit in jou kop kom nes maak nie. Jy sal nie oorskiet in asblikke eet nie. Moenie toelaat dat mense jou kop as ‘n asblik gebruik nie.

• Goeie maniere het nie ‘n vervaldatum nie. Groet mense hoflik, maak die deur vir ‘n vrou oop, laat dames eerste instap, ens.

• As iemand swaar kry of ondersteuning nodig het, wees die een wat daar is om ‘n verskil te maak. Almal neem aan iemand anders sal dit doen en dan doen niemand niks nie!

• Wees sagter op jouself en kyk beter na jouself. Eet net tot jou vol is en los die res vir later (Dit werk! – veral as jy alleen is) Moenie jouself “forcefeed” nie! Kom in die buitelug – gaan stap! Loop in die tuin! Doen dinge wat vir jou lekker is en vir jou energie gee.

• Bly weg van mense wat jou op enige manier aftrek. “Birds of a feather flock together!”. As jy nie positief en beter voel nadat jy in mense se geselskap was nie, kry die boodskap en beweeg aan.

• Doen die hoflike ding. Gee boeke ens. wat jy geleen het terug. As jy laat is vir ‘n afspraak, laat weet dat jy gaan laat wees sonder om te lieg. Maak jou bed op of help jou vrou om jul bed op te maak. Tel rommel op al het jy dit nie gestrooi nie. Wees vriendelik met elke teller in elke winkel.

• Vra jouself gereeld af; “Was ek eerlike?”, “Is dit regtig soos wat ek is?”, “Bou ek op of breek ek af?”. “Is dit tot God se eer?”. “Gaan ander beter dink van die persoon oor wie ek praat of slegter?” “Drop” jou maskers en word die wenner wat jy is! BE REAL!

• Jy kan NOOIT genoeg vir die mense naaste aan jou sê “Ek is lief vir jou” nie! Sê dit, wys dit, leef dit en doen dit!

• As jy ‘n pasmaat het, onderneem om die beste vir hom/haar te wees, te gee en te word.

STERKTE VIR 2019

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Make a difference

Usually at the beginning of a new year, there are all kinds of ghost voices from the old year that are still pretty active in our minds. As a result, we then decide to make some changes in our lives – New year’s resolutions. Things like; I’m going to stop …, I want to lose 10kg …, I want …, I want …! Mostly these are guilt ghost voices, things that bother us about ourselves and make us feel guilty. Unfortunately, we get so entangled and focused on these things that we completely forget that life is actually supposed to be a joyride. So, I guess you want to ask; “But how can I turn my life into a joyride?” Let me give you some fun and exciting examples.

• Call at least one person a week which the Spirit of God imprints on your heart. I don’t know about you, but quite often the face or name of a person keep recurring in my mind. Maybe it’s a friend you haven’t talked to lately. Maybe someone who is sick, maybe someone with whom you had words. Don’t give advice, defend yourself, justify etc. NO! Just listen and be there for the person. Encourage, motivate and support them.

• Share a funny story or something that makes you laugh with someone who’s dragging his soul around in the ground. Humor is one of the best ways to make a positive difference in people’s lives.

• Let your yes, be yes and do not make promises that you cannot fulfill. If you undertake to do something, don’t delay it – do it right away. Otherwise, it just becomes another stress ghost that moves in and makes you feel guilty.

• NEVER buy anything if you can’t afford it! The question you have to ask yourself is; “Is it essential or is it a spoil or unnecessary?” The greatest favor you can do yourself is to get “debt free” as soon as possible.

• NEVER react, respond or speak when you are emotionally charged up. Usually that’s when we blurt out these word-knives that leave the biggest wounds and scars for the rest of our lives. Rather turn around and walk away and allow the inner turmoil to settle. Make time then to address the issue and talk then about the issue (the thing) that threw you emotionally without attacking or belittling the person. Remember, there is nothing like a “naughty” child. Every child is an “awesome” kid who sometimes do wrong things for whatever reason.

• Stop competing with other people. Be yourself – you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Happiness cannot be bought or acquired by money. Neither can comparison with other people make you feel better about yourself.

• Encourage someone. Especially a child or youth to do his or her best. Share your experience and provide support. Young people need role models.

• Motivate someone who is struggling. Just think back on your life and what difference it made when someone motivated and affirmed you. “You can do it, I believe in you, you have so much potential”, etc. Just remember, you must be honest and not use the “honeycomb”.

• Be the friend for your friends and family you would like to have. Relationships can only grow if you are willing to work at and build it in a positive way.

• Stop making molesheap-mountains and rather look closely at what you allow in your mind as well as your self talk . Leo Buscaglia once went to visit a monk. He was so excited and couldn’t stop talking. The monk turned around and slapped him through the face and said; “Stop walking with your dirty feet in my mind!”. If you feel overwhelmed by something, sit down somewhere quiet and gather yourself. Then ask the Spirit of God how you can cross this mountain. Then get up and do something about it. Then you will see how quickly your mountains turn into molesheaps again.

• Compliment people. Always try to find something in everybody you meet that is different and beautiful. Then honestly compliment them on it. NEVER give a compliment if you don’t really mean it – it’s fake!

• Don’t do things impulsively. Don’t buy anything, just because you can afford it. Don’t talk if you haven’t think about, what you want to say. Don’t respond to any story if you haven’t familiarized yourself with the other side of the coin.

• Live with a smile. Think of something that makes you happy and walks with that big smile on your face. I promise you, you’re going to make many people think and wonder about what makes you so happy. Besides, a smile makes you look 10 years younger!

• Immediately admit when you have made a mistake. The longer you wait, the more difficult it gets to apologize. Accept responsibility for your mistakes. REMEMBER; life begins the day when I accept responsibility for my own life (and mistakes) and stop playing the blame game. Don’t try to explain or justify your mistakes.

• Don’t try to impress other people with how cute you are, what you have, who you know, how your kids are performing, and so on. NOPE! People will think much more of you when they hear it from other people, than by hearing it from you.

• Allow other people the freedom to disagree with you. Your “truth” is yours. Be open to hearing other people’s opinions about things even if you disagree with them. Don’t try to convince people of things that only the Spirit of God can convince them of. It only damages and even breaks good relationships.

• Don’t forget, there is more to life than “my way”! Start to develop an open mind and open yourself to the truth of others. Remember, all people do not think like you. When you get frustrated by people also ask yourself whether you have communicated clearly to them about what you have expected of them. “Assumptions is the mother of all evil.”

• If you want to blow your “top”, ask yourself; “Will it still matters in a week?”, “What will I achieve by doing this?” Too many of us allow the foxes to spoil life’s vineyard. Again, address the issue and not the person!

• Even though you have heard a joke a thousand times, laugh as though you are hearing it for the first time ever. Don’t interrupt the person or finishing the joke for them.

• Do not live too close to the pigsty. If you allow pigs near you, you’ll get full of mud and eventually end up in the pigsty. Don’t say or do anything to and about people that is not positive and uplifting. In doing so you will reap a good and abundant harvest.

• Encourage people to think outside the box and venture outside their comfort zone. Don’t be the one who gives the 1000 reasons why they shouldn’t try it. Do not be a doom prophet! Rather motivate and encourage them instead.

• NEVER think you know everything or that you have “arrived” in life. The wisest people are those who realize how little they know about all there is to know about. People who think they know everything are usually the ones who find it hardest to listen to other’s advice and guidance. They don’t have a teachable spirit. Don’t throw your pearls before the pigs and waste your breath.

• You can never say enough, THANK YOU. Thank people honestly for their efforts, even if it is not exactly as you have expected. At least they tried.

• Invest in and bless yourself with positive reading, music, TV, Internet, etc. Don’t let the bats nest in your head by exposing yourself to negative inputs. You won’t eat leftovers in bins. Don’t let people use your head as a trashcan.

• Good manners do not have an expiry date. Greet people courteously, open the car door to a woman, let ladies walk first through the door, treat your waiter/waitress with respect etc.

• If someone is under the weather or needs support, be the one to make the difference. Everyone assume somebody else will do it and then no one does anything!

• Be gentler on yourself and look better at yourself. Just eat until you are full and leave the rest for later (It works! – especially if you are alone) Don’t force-feed yourself! Get outdoors and take a walk! Walk in the garden! Do things that you enjoy which energizes you.

• Stay away from people who pull you down in any way. “Birds of a feather flock together!” If you don’t feel positive and better after being in people’s company, get the message and move on.

• Do the polite thing. Give books and other stuff that you have borrowed back. If you’re late for an appointment, inform the people about it, without lying. Make your bed first thing in the morning or help your wife make to make your bed. Pick up garbage even if you haven’t scattered it. Be friendly and courteous with the tellers in each store.

• Ask yourself regularly; “Was I honest?”, “Is it really like me?”, “Do I build up or break other people down?” “Is it to God’s glory?” “Will others think better about the person I am talking about or worse?” “Drop your masks and become the winner you are! BE REAL!

• You can NEVER say “I love you”, enough, to the people closest to you. Say it, show it, live it and do it!

• Make it your life’s mission to become the best version of yourself for those you love and people around you.

THE CHOISE IS YOURS!